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| I wanted to name this entry 'Twilight', but I was afraid of using that word because of its corruption by a certain author. >_>
Anyway.
My cousin is leaving Sydney tonight to go back to Hong Kong. While she was here I didn't get to see her much. We didn't even take photos this time. But as we left the restaurant, seeing her cry after my grandma hugged her and said something to her softly, touched me. It made me reflect on parting.
A famous bard once said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow". I don't find it sweet. More like nostalgic. There's a proverb in Chinese that says, "There's no banquet on earth that doesn't end". I think that's so true, but it makes me sad. As I looked at my cousin with tears in her eyes, I thought, parting is such a final thing. Who knows when you'll meet next, or whether you will even see this person again? Especially with grandparents, my grandma in particular, who is in frail health. This might be the last time.
Then I considered all those people in high school I used to see on a daily basis. Graduation might be the last time I see them, ever. Perhaps in a few years someone will have an accident, and they'll never attend reunion. Or maybe someone will contract cancer. My mum has close classmates who died not long after finishing uni, one from cancer, one in a motorcycle accident. It's so foreign to me, and it makes me sad for her, that the only thing she has of them is her memory and a few photographs.
And people you meet in uni. You spend one semester with someone, then you might never see them again. It's even more fleeting. What is parting?
These days it's not as hard. There's Facebook, MSN, phone, Skype - all kinds of ways to stay in touch. But it's certainly not the same as seeing them face to face. Back in the old days, it must have been even worse. I've been writing an essay on medieval Iceland for the past few days ('writing' it...>_>) and I can't imagine what it would be like to send someone off to go a-viking, not knowing if they'll make it home. Or making a new friend who stays with you a summer, then waving them goodbye not knowing if you'll ever see them again. Sometimes we take saying goodbye for granted; but maybe in this modern age we need to relearn the nature of distance, memory and time spent together.
Easy to say, but I still spend so much time alone, cooped up with the Internet. It's a real relationship killer, if you think about it.
The reason why I titled this entry 'dusk' is because we parted at sunset. I love sunset. My favourite time of day is just before dawn, the stillness and the silence, just as the sky starts to turn blue right ahead of the kookaburra's first laugh. (I've pulled enough all-nighters to observe the whole process T_T.) But sunset is my second favourite time of day. The slow fading of light, the multitudinous colours that fill the sky, sometimes the blushing clouds that burn pink and orange and purple. The slow seeping of darkness over the world filtering it in blue. This bridge between night and day fascinates me. And it really suits, I think, the idea of parting. It's so beautiful, yet so fleeting, and soon it is mysterious night.
As another famous Chinese proverb says, "When the sunset is infinitely beautiful, it is nearly dusk."
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| I've noticed that everyone eats Mi Goreng in different ways.
For instance, someone once told me that they never put in the fried onions, because they hate them. Another friend I know puts in everything, oil and all. As for me, I put in all the fried onions, seasoning and soy sauce, but only mix in 2 drops of chilli sauce and leave out the oil altogether.
So my question is, what's your Mi Goreng idiosyncracy?
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| A recent news story really affected me: http://www.thedaily.com.au/news/2009/aug/20/horror-crash-parents-killed-helping-daughter/ In fact, several news stories in the past few weeks have really left an impression, especially the murder of the Lin family. That hits pretty close to home. But the Sunshine Motorway accident...kind of gets me right in the heart. I honestly don't know if I'd ever recover if that happened to me. It would be comforting knowing I'd see my parents in Heaven again, but it wouldn't be the same. I don't think I'd cope. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On another note, I just finished the 40 hour Famine, and as I recall, none has ever made such an impact on me.
Maybe because I haven't done it in 3 years, but this time I did it, upon waking up on Sunday I felt tired, weak and light-headed. My knees shook and had barely enough energy to talk and move. It was really strange, it had never happened before. The hunger was also different - instead of, as usual, passing the starving point and then being fine, all Saturday and Sunday long I had this constant, gnawing hunger. Eventually I had to eat 2 lollies to get my blood sugar levels back up, otherwise I'd never have made it through church.
But you know what? I'm glad I went through that. Because it really made me think. Two things I learnt:
1. I am incredibly dependent on food. I already knew this, but doing the Famine really honed it in for me. I eat constantly, and most of my routine revolves around food - without it, I lose a huge chunk of daily activity. Strange, huh?
2. For at least 900 million people this is a daily reality - the tiredness, the hunger, the lack of energy. Thoughts of food flooding your mind every minute. And millions of children have to deal with it every day too. Not only this, but they have to push through their weakness and walk miles to get water or work on farms or take care of families. They do this without the knowledge that after a certain point they will have a big meal waiting for them, like I did.
What I experienced was just a taste of how millions live. And this time around, it's really changed me. I want to do something real. I just hope I'll be strong enough to deal with sacrifice. | | |
| [I now have deviantArt: chizzie-shark.xanga.com] It's been nearly two years since I last blogged here. Wow. Reading some of the stuff I wrote brings back so many memories, so many things I'd forgotten. A lot of things have happened over the past two years. My grandma passed away. The Lord set me back on His path. There are a lot of new people in my life. I grew up. Uni has changed a lot of things, about me, and about my friends. Coming back here takes me back to a time when everything was different, immune, indestructible, immovable. It will forever be a moment in time, captured in memory and locked until the day I die, when I will once again be able to view it with perfect clarity. I wish I had blogged or written in my diary these past two years - so much has changed, and I really wish I'd recorded it in some way, because there have been so many important memories I need to keep. But it's too late now. So, from now on, I'm hopefully going to keep up this blog, and maybe even a diary (though that usually takes too long to write). I no longer want days to slip through the cracks. I want to read this when I'm 50, and see this wonderful period in my life again before me vividly. Because you know what? These past two years have definitely been the best time of my life. And I don't think I will ever be as carefree, or as content, as now. That scares me a bit. | | |
| To be honest though, I feel slightly disorientated. The idea of Johnny Howard not being our PM, not even being in his own seat, is quite unsettling, even though I've supported Labor throughout. He's been PM for most of my life - I still remember the very first time he got elected, and the kids in my class - 1A I think - were discussing it. And I said, "But Paul Keating's our PM, John Howard's a fake!" Ah, the good old days. OMG John Howard's just lost his seat! I actually feel sorry for him. It's just so sudden I guess, one day this guy was the solid rock leading our country, and all of a sudden he's nothing. It's kind of...weird. Disorientating. A time of change. I hate change. Poor ol' Johnny, his glory days are over. Oh well, premature retirement I guess =) A new Australia. I wonder where this will take us? P.S. I met Chas from the Chaser! At Sculptures by the Sea, 18/11/07 - he was holding a sign waiting for Malcolm Turnbull. When I asked him for a pic, he said, "Better be quick though, I'm actually waiting for Malcolm Turnbull." But I got a pic =D What a nice guy. Oh so excited about this election! Also excited about: 1 Feb - NIGHTWISH!!!!!!!
1 June - PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!!!!!!!! | | |
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